Tag Archives: Relationships

You Are More Important Than You Realize

You Are More Important Than You Realize

You Are More Important Than You Realize 

It’s notable to mention that it is highly likely that you are more important than you realize.  I would venture to guess that your gifts and the roles that you play probably hold far more weight in the kingdom of God than you probably give them credit for.  One day when we stand before God and give an answer for how we used our gifts and fulfilled our purpose, it will be exciting to see the magnitude of our influence here on this earth.  I believe that God thinks that YOU are a pretty big deal! 😉 

As we are coming to the close of a school year, it’s a good reminder for educators, staff, students, and parents alike. I’ve mentioned it before and the same is true now…you might be making a difference in the lives of others without even realizing it.

You and your gifts are necessary

God has given each and every person here on this earth a unique set of gifts and a purpose to fulfill.  Each gift and purpose is vital to God’s plan.  In fact, the Bible uses the analogy of a body and its different parts to demonstrate this point.  Each part of the body is necessary in order for the body to function properly (as God intended), and each God-given gift, role, and purpose is necessary in order for God’s kingdom, or the “body of Christ”, to function properly.

We are the body of Christ, and just as a body has many parts, so does the body of Christ.  The parts are placed exactly where God wants them (1 Corinthians 12:18).  Our gifts are part of this body.  There are a lot of them, and they all have different functions.  They all work together as part of a whole.  Every part is necessary.  We need all of the parts, just like God needs all of our gifts.

“Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well…” Romans 12:4-6 (NLT)

It’s tempting, but unwise, to compare our gifts with those of others

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The Senses of Christmas

The Senses of Christmas

The Senses of Christmas

The past several years, I’ve really tried to slow my pace during the Christmas holiday season and really try to savor and enjoy it. One of the things that I’ve reintroduced into my holiday break is to read books, particularly holiday-themed ones. A few Christmases ago, I read a wonderful book, The Christmas Box, which gave me an idea for a blog post about engaging our five senses at Christmastime and elsewhere. I made note of it in my notes app on my phone, and just recently I was reminded of it. Therefore, today I’d like to share some insights on the senses of Christmas.

An inspiration…

In The Christmas Box (which is a bit of a tearjerker by the way), there’s a scene where one of the characters is asking an elderly widow about which of the five senses she thought was most affected by Christmas. Her response was,

“I love everything about this season,” she continued. “But I think what I love the most about Christmas are its sounds. The bells of street-corner Santa Clauses, the familiar Christmas records on the phonograph, the sweet, untuned voices of Christmas carolers. And the bustling downtown noises. The crisp crinkle of wrapping paper and department store sacks and the cheerful Christmas greetings of strangers. And then there are the Christmas stories. The wisdom of Dickens and all Christmas story-tellers.” She seemed to pause for emphasis. “I love the sounds of this season. Even the sounds of this old house take on a different character at Christmas. These Victorian ladies seem to have a spirit all their own.”[1]

This description got my mind reeling about my own experiences at Christmas based on my five senses. I tried to answer the same question about which of the five senses I thought was most affected by Christmas. Honestly, I couldn’t narrow it down to just one. They are ALL affected!

Sounds of Christmas

Sound senses of Christmas–Jingle bells

When I think of the sounds of Christmas several things come to mind, much like those stated in the book excerpt. My favorite sound, obviously, would be that of Christmas music and carols. I seriously get giddy like a child when it’s time to break out the Christmas music! More annoyingly, I think of those repetitive holiday commercials. Then there is the collection of Hallmark Christmas ornaments that my kids play over and over by repetitively pushing the buttons on each and every one…every…single…day (I secretly enjoy this though, ssshh).

I also love the sounds of jingle bells, Salvation Army bell ringers at the stores, and Christmas stories (including THE Christmas Story). There’s also the chatty banter at family get-togethers. Finally, I can’t forget the hustle and bustle of shoppers (which can now often be avoided with online shopping!).

Sights of Christmas

Senses of Christmas--the lights

Sight senses of Christmas–the lights

The sights of Christmas are some of my favorite senses to engage. I love, love, love the lights! We love to go out as a family gazing at the neighborhood lights in surrounding communities. A Christmas tree can be seen in nearly every room of our house—it’s a rule.

Decorations abound in our home too. This completely irritates Eric because he dreads the day when it’s time to trek up into the attic to drag out the countless boxes of décor. There’s just something about twinkling greenery wrapping around railings, banisters, mirrors, windows, and doorframes that gives the home such a festive, warm, fuzzy feeling!

And we can’t forget about the Christmas movies! You know my addiction to Hallmark Christmas movies!

Smells of Christmas

The smells…

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Scriptures for Empathy

Scriptures for Empathy title image

Scriptures for Empathy

We’ve recently been discussing empathy…the decline of empathy in the present culture, the importance of empathy and how it’s integral to our relationships, examples of how both God and Jesus have empathy, defining what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learning how to have and improve empathy. To further enhance those discussions, I’ve put together this resource page of scriptures for empathy.

This list of scriptures for empathy provides a compilation of verses about various facets or components of empathy.

Sharing others’ emotions

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 (NIV)

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 (NIV)

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

“When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:22 (NLT)

“Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.” Philippians 4:14 (NLT)

Showing compassion

“You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” Luke 6:36 (NLT)

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2 (NLT)

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

Comforting, encouraging, and building up others

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Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller! - Great post from HappyHealthyandProsperous.com

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Most people are drawn to the type of people who make others feel taller not smaller.  People like to be around other people who make them feel better about themselves.  In general, people pull away from and don’t like to be around those who make them feel bad about themselves.  Nobody likes to be around people who are cruel, mean, and rude (especially if that’s their typical nature most of the time).  This type of behavior is a sure-fire way to cut people out of your life!  It’s like the wrong end of a magnet repelling people…pushing them away instead of drawing them in.

People are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves.  On a side note…Did you know that’s a significant factor in why many people have affairs?  It’s not that they necessarily like the other person that much.  It’s that they like themselves better when they’re around that person.  In affairs, those other people (i.e. affair partners) make them feel better about themselves.  

Someone made me feel smaller

I have been around people who have made me feel smaller NOT taller on a number of occasions.  Several years ago, I was involved in a situation that, quite honestly, made me feel like crap.  I was around someone who felt the need to “tell me the truth” because “true friends tell the truth”.  It made me feel very badly about myself, about how I looked, and about the mistakes I made.  I honestly felt I couldn’t do anything right, and even when I tried, that too was criticized.  It had a tendency to make me dread being around this person in particular.  Have you ever felt like that?  It’s pretty miserable.  Thankfully, I’m getting better about dealing with these feelings (okay…after a few tearful moments), but the initial feelings are very real nonetheless.

After being on the receiving end of hurtful situations like this, I wanted to make sure that I’M not a person who does this to others.  I wanted to be sure I was the kind of person that will make others feel taller not smaller.  So, I compiled a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of practical steps that each of us can take to make sure we are NOT the kind of person that is like the wrong end of a magnet that repels people.  (I actually compiled this list on my phone at 3:00 am in the morning after the bad experience I mentioned earlier because I couldn’t sleep due to being so hurt and angry!)

I, too, have been guilty of making others feel smaller, not taller

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People Are Like Cheetos–They Rub Off On You!

People are like cheetos...they rub off on you!

People Are Like Cheetos–They Rub Off On You!

Have you ever noticed how the more time you spend with someone, the more they rub off on you and the more you start to copy and mimic some of their behaviors?  I think this even happens sometimes unknowingly.  I’ve even heard it said that we even start looking like those we are around often.  Have you ever seen those “pets who look like their owners” pictures?  They’re hilarious!  Apparently, pets and owners can even rub off on each other.

I noticed once that I started saying a word all the time that my brother-in-law often used.  Actually, I think the process went from my brother-in-law to my sister to me and then even went to my husband and my son.  It’s the word “nice”.  I never used to say it so much, at least not in the same context.  Now it’s used with more of a sarcastic tone.

For example, when my daughter said, “Mom, the dog just threw up on the floor!”  My reply: “Nice.”  Or…my college students might advise me that our class Blackboard site has been up and down all week.  Me: “Nice.”  Or… when my iPhone crashed and lost all data, and then when I tried to restore it from a backup and got a message that said “Backup is corrupt” (And I later learned that when you create a backup, the previous backup is deleted and replaced with the new one, thus leaving the only backup I had as “corrupt” and unusable!  What’s wrong with this picture?!), my reply was “Nice!”

It’s just a word I picked up on from hearing them say it often, and then I started using it too.  Do you ever do this? Continue reading

Importance of the Right Friends

Importance of the Right Friends

Importance of the Right Friends

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26 NIV)

In the previous post we talked about the importance of choosing friends wisely. More specifically, we discussed avoiding unequally yoked friendships. We focused primarily on what it means to be unequally yoked in close relationships. However, we did not spend a lot of time on the reasons why we should avoid these kinds of friendships. Therefore, in this week’s post I’d like to spend more time on the importance of the right friends.

When discussing unequally yoked team animals or draft animals, we mentioned that the mismatch can cause the animals to veer off path or course (even going in circles). The disparity can also lead to burdens on one or both of the animals, a loss of strength and energy, a loss of momentum and forward progression, a slower speed, and basically the animals are working against each other preventing both from completing the tasks set before them.

This is also true when we don’t have relationships with the right friends. Bad friends can endanger our course in life and turn us away from the right direction. They can also cause us undue burdens, deplete our energy and strength (mentally, emotionally, AND spiritually). Not having the right friends can slow us down and hinder our progress in life.

Friends can impact the direction of our life

We must guard our hearts when choosing the right friends. The bible says our hearts determine the course of our life. Therefore, not having the right friends (who affect our heart) can have a tremendous negative impact on the course and direction of our life.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Similarly, there’s another saying that goes, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Both quotes allude to the power that friendships have on our progress in life and in our future.

Our friendships have significant impact on us. There are negative ramifications and consequences when we don’t have the right friends.

Here are a few listed in scripture: Continue reading