Tag Archives: speak the truth in love

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller! - Great post from HappyHealthyandProsperous.com

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Most people are drawn to the type of people who make others feel taller not smaller.  People like to be around other people who make them feel better about themselves.  In general, people pull away from and don’t like to be around those who make them feel bad about themselves.  Nobody likes to be around people who are cruel, mean, and rude (especially if that’s their typical nature most of the time).  This type of behavior is a sure-fire way to cut people out of your life!  It’s like the wrong end of a magnet repelling people…pushing them away instead of drawing them in.

People are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves.  On a side note…Did you know that’s a significant factor in why many people have affairs?  It’s not that they necessarily like the other person that much.  It’s that they like themselves better when they’re around that person.  In affairs, those other people (i.e. affair partners) make them feel better about themselves.  

Someone made me feel smaller

I have been around people who have made me feel smaller NOT taller on a number of occasions.  Several years ago, I was involved in a situation that, quite honestly, made me feel like crap.  I was around someone who felt the need to “tell me the truth” because “true friends tell the truth”.  It made me feel very badly about myself, about how I looked, and about the mistakes I made.  I honestly felt I couldn’t do anything right, and even when I tried, that too was criticized.  It had a tendency to make me dread being around this person in particular.  Have you ever felt like that?  It’s pretty miserable.  Thankfully, I’m getting better about dealing with these feelings (okay…after a few tearful moments), but the initial feelings are very real nonetheless.

After being on the receiving end of hurtful situations like this, I wanted to make sure that I’M not a person who does this to others.  I wanted to be sure I was the kind of person that will make others feel taller not smaller.  So, I compiled a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of practical steps that each of us can take to make sure we are NOT the kind of person that is like the wrong end of a magnet that repels people.  (I actually compiled this list on my phone at 3:00 am in the morning after the bad experience I mentioned earlier because I couldn’t sleep due to being so hurt and angry!)

I, too, have been guilty of making others feel smaller, not taller

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