Category Archives: Problem Solving

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

Scriptures About Hope

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Scriptures About Hope

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:19a (NIV)

Hope is eager anticipation and expectation for something we desire that we don’t have yet. Hope is important in life because it can keep us stable and secure in an ever-changing and volatile world. The Bible says that hope is an anchor for our soul. Here we have a mental picture of an anchor holding a boat secure. Because of the anchor, it will not float away, get off course, or wreck.

Similarly, this is what hope does for us. It holds us and anchors us to be steadfast so that we don’t drift away or wreck, especially during the storms of life. When chaos surrounds us, hope holds us steady. Hope also helps us in the waiting process. The words “wait,” “wait confidently,” or “wait patiently” often go synonymously with “hope” throughout scripture. Sometimes the words interchange from translation to translation.

We can get our hope from God, his son Jesus, his Spirit, and his word (the Bible). The Lord will be our encourager and will give us hope. God’s word, the Bible, gives us hope through what we read, the examples we see, and through the promises contained therein. Additionally, we should put our hope IN God. We can see examples of this and encouragement to do this throughout scripture. This is especially prevalent in David proclaiming this throughout the Psalms.

Because hope will be an important component of a healthy relationship with God and others, I’ve put together a reference or resource page with some helpful scriptures about hope.

Sources of hope (the Lord, God’s word/Bible, Jesus, the Holy Spirit)

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” Psalm 62:5 (NIV)

“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.” Psalm 119:114 (NLT)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“And his name will be the hope of all the world.” Matthew 12:21 (NLT)

“Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:2-5 (NIV)

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.” Romans 15:4 (NIV)

“I say this because our hope of being right with God comes through faith. And the Spirit helps us feel sure as we wait for that hope.” Galatians 5:5 (ERV)

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people” Ephesians 1:18 (NIV)

“This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, appointed by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus, who gives us hope.” 1 Timothy 1:1 (NLT)

Be steadfast in hope, hope when there’s no reason to hope

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Why Does Jesus Get So Angry at the Temple?

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Why Does Jesus Get So Angry at the Temple?

“It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went to Jerusalem. In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!”” John 2:13-16 (NLT)

A couple of years ago in our youth group, we were reading through the book of John together and having an ongoing discussion about it during our small groups. One of the students in my small group asked a good question about the time when Jesus gets angry at the Temple:

“This may be a stupid question but why does Jesus get so mad in this passage? Jesus didn’t really get mad at people and loves everyone so I’m a bit confused on why he’s so angry at people here but isn’t anywhere else in the Bible.”

I told her that it’s actually not a stupid question at all because like she said, from what we know about Jesus it seems a little out of character. Then, I went on to explain to her what I thought but encouraged her to do some research of her own to come to some of her own conclusions, and I gave her some additional resources.

I addressed the 2 things she brought up:

  1. Why Jesus gets angry (even though he loves everyone)
  2. Jesus isn’t angry anywhere else in the Bible

Because other people probably have similar questions, I thought I’d share a longer version of my response to her about why Jesus gets angry and also give some additional resources here as well.

Why does Jesus get so angry at the Temple if he loves everyone?

I think Jesus gets angry BECAUSE of his love for everyone. In this passage, he demonstrates a “righteous anger”. He had a good reason to be angry because of corruption and injustice that was hurting people. However, he still did not sin in his anger.

Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.” Psalm 4:4 (ESV)

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” Ephesians 4:26 (ESV)
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do,
yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (NLT)

Corruption and injustice

Since it was Passover, Jews from ALL over came to Jerusalem, and custom/law required them to bring a sacrifice. Many could not bring animals that far of a distance due to the cost, inconvenience, and potential of that animal becoming injured or “blemished” in some way during the travels which would have made the animal unfit for sacrifice. Therefore they had to purchase a sacrificial animal when they arrived. Some historians say that prior to coming they would have sold an animal at home that they would have used as a sacrifice and would then use that money from the sale to purchase a replacement animal for sacrifice.

In the scripture passage, the people selling the animals and doing money exchanges (just like we have to do when we go out of the country and have to exchange currency for the local currency) were taking advantage of people and cheating people out of their money by overcharging and gouging them. I think of this like when there’s a hurricane coming and the gas stations start WAY overcharging & price-gouging for gas because they know people have to buy the gas to get out of town–so basically cheating and taking advantage of people.

The focus wasn’t on God in an area designated for worship

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10 Ways to Get Through a Hard Time

Being a Christian doesn’t exempt us from going through hard times. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do. Here are 10 ways to get through a hard time...

10 Ways to Get Through a Hard Time

Have you been going through a hard time?  Sometimes as a Christian, we feel like we should always have it “put together” and know how to handle trials, struggles and bad circumstances.  Unfortunately, being a Christian doesn’t exempt us from going through a hard time.  Jesus told us as much…

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)

However, sometimes it’s just hard to know what to do in the midst of the trouble.  Sometimes we already know what to do, we just need someone to remind us or to confirm what we already know.

Previously we talked about the difficulties of going through a transition and discussed some strategies to navigate through the process.  Because transitions often include “hard times”, this week I thought I would share 10 ways that I, personally, get through a hard time.  This is kind of my go-to list of things to do (even when and ESPECIALLY when I don’t feel like it).  

Take Some Practical Steps—10 Ways to Get Through a Hard Time:

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Scriptures About the Lord is My Helper

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Scriptures About the Lord is My Helper

The Bible declares that the Lord, God, is our helper. He is there to help us in times of need. That is a promise from scripture. It is part of who God is. It is one of his defining characteristics and traits. We are God’s children, and we have the one true and only God on our side to back us up and empower us. God loves us. He is for us, not against us, and he will help when we need it and when we call out to him. He is your helper and my helper!

There are times in our lives where we face trouble, when we need direction, or when we truly can’t do things on our own. We all need help from time to time. We will need help to do some of the things that God has called us to do. Sometimes that help can come from others, but other times we need help directly from God. It’s okay to ask for help, from others and from God! God will partner with us in the things that we face, big or small.

Therefore this week I’d like to share some scriptures to inform you and build your confidence in the fact that the Lord is your helper!

Scriptures about the Lord is my helper:

“By the God of your father who will help you, by the Almighty who will bless you with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that crouches beneath, blessings of the breasts and of the womb.” Genesis 49:25 (ESV)

“Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song to God, and spoke, saying, Let us sing to the Lord, for he is very greatly glorified: horse and rider he has thrown into the sea. He was to me a helper and protector for salvation: this is my God and I will glorify him; my father’s God, and I will exalt him.” Exodus 15:1-2 (BST)

“There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor.” Deuteronomy 33:26 (NLT)

“Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will tread on their heights.” Deuteronomy 33:29 (NIV)

“And the song was thus: O Lord, my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer, my God; he shall be to me my guard, I will trust in him: he is my protector, and the horn of my salvation, my helper, and my sure refuge; thou shalt save me from the unjust man. I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, and I shall be saved from my enemies.” 2 Samuel 22:2-4 (BST)

“But You, LORD, do not be far away; You who are my help, hurry to my assistance.” Psalm 22:19 (NASB)

“Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me, O God of my salvation!” Psalm 27:9 (NLT)

“The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7 (NLT)

“We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield.” Psalm 33:20 (NLT) Continue reading

Doing a 2020 Recap

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Doing a 2020 Recap

This past weekend our church did a service revolving around a 2020 recap. There were a few testimonials of people discussing what they’ve learned from 2020, how the year has been impactful for them, or what God had done for them over the past year. It got me to thinking… “How WOULD I recap this past year?”

One of our yearly Christmas traditions came to mind as I was thinking about this. Each year at Christmas we get each of our kids a Christmas ornament for that year. These ornaments usually reflect an event or milestone or memory from the year. This year as I was shopping for their ornament, I knew I wanted it to be 2020 related but not just referring to all of the COVID-19 stuff as so many of them were. I wanted it to reflect the many, many crazy events that took place during 2020—a kind of a 2020 recap on the ornament.

I ended up settling on a type of word cloud ornament. As I was reading through all of the items listed on the ornament, I found myself saying, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” It had things like Kobe Bryant’s death, the Australian fires, travel bans, birthday parades, virtual graduations, virtual meetings, distance learning, of course the whole Coronavirus pandemic themed things (quarantine, panic buying, toilet paper shortage, social distancing, face masks, front line heroes and essential workers, etc.), murder hornets, the Beirut explosion, and BLM protests. (It was missing the whole presidential election fiasco which was odd.) It did seem to sum up events of the year pretty well.

On a personal level

While this was a great 2020 recap of the year’s events, it still wasn’t a very personal reflection of the year. I thought about how my mom often does this in her Christmas or end-of-year letters where she summarizes the whole family’s yearly goings-on. So, I started to make a list (although not completely comprehensive)… Continue reading

Hey Mom, Are You and Dad Santa?

Hey Mom, Are You and Dad Santa?

Hey Mom, Are You and Dad Santa?

A 2020 Update (original post from 11/7/2017 below)

My daughter and I were sitting together watching some Hallmark Christmas movies this past weekend. In the shows the subject of the authenticity of Santa Claus was brought up. My daughter is 13 now, but we’ve never actually had a conversation about if Santa Claus was real or not. Honestly, I expected her to ask the question a few years ago because that’s when she started doing the eye rolling and saying a long drawn out “Moooommm” when I’d say anything about Santa.

While we were sitting there I asked her, “Why haven’t you ever asked me about Santa? Your brother did.” She mentioned something along the lines that she knew he wasn’t real, but she like playing along. I assured her that a conversation wouldn’t change anything. Then I proceeded to tell her about my previous conversation several years ago with her brother. I remembered this post that I had written back then, and I pulled it up. Some of the similarities of then to now were pretty strange!

That conversation ALSO took place while watching Hallmark Christmas movies in early November. At that time I was in bed recovering from some vertigo. Similarly, this weekend I’ve unfortunately also been recovering—this time from COVID-19. Again, this conversation was not a very Hallmark or Pinterest worthy moment either!

I ended up reading her the post below, and we had a pretty good conversation about it. She reassured me that she didn’t feel betrayed, and she wasn’t upset (something I was apparently unduly concerned about before according to my original post). Thus, we still had a pretty good little teachable moment.

I thought you guys might like to revisit this post too! …If nothing more than for entertainment value! 😉

Hey Mom, Are You and Dad Santa? (Original Post from 11/7/2017)

Well, I had the Santa conversation this past weekend. Honestly I expected it some time ago, but somehow we’ve been able to avert it. This past week I’ve been recovering from a bout of vertigo. I decided to take the weekend to just completely rest and veg out because lying down seems to help significantly. Thankfully Hallmark has already started their Christmas movie bonanza so I had that to help with the boredom. You know how I’m a sucker for Hallmark Christmas movies! 🙂

So there I was just lying there in and out of sleep, relishing my Christmas movies, when my son comes in and lays across my bed. Then the question came…

Hey Mom, are you and dad Santa?

I knew this question would come. 

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