Category Archives: Communication

7 Tips for Remembering Names

Bad with names? Here are 7 Tips for Remembering Names...

Bad with names?  Here are 7 Tips for Remembering Names…

Do you know that feeling of panic when you see someone you know, but for the life of you, you can’t remember their name?  I’ve been there a few times.  I’ve typically done one of two things in this case.  I either try to carry on a conversation without even having to say their name and without admitting I forgot, or I go ahead and admit that I have completely forgotten their name, beg forgiveness and ask them to remind me.

Oh…there is a third thing that I hate to admit that I’ve done…just flat out hide and/or act like I don’t see them.  I know!  I know!  That’s terrible!  Don’t act like you haven’t done it though! 🙂  On the receiving end of this situation though, I think I’d really prefer the other person to just admit that they don’t remember my name.  I actually respect people more for this.  Remembering names can be tough!

It feels good to be remembered

It does feel really great though when someone remembers your name, especially if you don’t expect them to.  I had this happen recently.  I was volunteering at church and had to check in at the front desk.  The girl working there said “Tracy, right?”  That made my day!  I have probably only seen her a handful of times, and I don’t think we’ve actually ever had a conversation.  You also have to understand, we have thousands of people that attend our church and hundreds of volunteers, therefore making it extremely difficult for remembering names!  To me, it was highly impressive that she could remember my name.  It made me feel really good.

I’ve also been on the flip-side where I run into a person that has met me several times yet still doesn’t remember my name.  This makes me feel Continue reading

How to Validate Others

How to Validate Others

How to Validate Others

Updated Post (*originally published 8/14/14)

“A friend loves you all the time, and a brother helps in time of trouble.” Proverbs 17:17 (NCV)

Humans have a need for validation.   More recently I’ve become more acutely aware of this.  Some of you make be thinking, “What the heck does she mean by validate?  Isn’t that where you get verification of visiting someplace to get out of paying the parking fees?!”  Well, that’s one definition!  However, I’m talking about the kind of validation where we verify and recognize that a person’s feelings are indeed genuine and show understanding of those feelings.

I have been hurt by well-meaning friends, family and even my husband at times because they failed to validate my feelings about a situation.  Most of the time my feelings are either minimized or judged, and then I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  I HATE the emotion of leaving a conversation feeling worse than when I started.

Some wise advice

My sister, Shawna, said it perfectly once (she’s very wise 🙂 AND a very good validator by the way):

“Some people are not empathizers.  They are not gifted at seeing through other’s eyes or trying to feel through their feelings.  People often play the devil’s advocate, when all we need ‘in this moment’ is to feel understood, to feel someone try to comprehend our frustrations.  Sometimes playing the devil’s advocate is not what people need in their first moments.  Often they need to be understood first.  When you get your feelings out (and often out-of-the-way) THEN you can look at things constructively for purpose and dealing with the situation.”

See!  Isn’t she wise?  She hit the nail on the head.  Also, to validate someone does NOT mean that you have to agree with them or believe that they are right.  Most of the time people just need to feel heard, not that you agree with them. 

When people are not validated properly, sometimes damage is done to a relationship.  Trust may be lost.  Emotional distance may be created.  A feeling of “safety” in pouring their heart out to you may dissipate.  If invalidation continues and becomes a pattern, the relationship may be replaced with another that does provide validation, or worse, the relationship may be severed completely.

Practical Steps–Follow these do’s and don’ts of validation:

Continue reading

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Previously, I wrote about the benefits of high ground or of an elevated position. The name of the Lord provides us this advantage of an elevated position.

“The name of Adonai is a strong tower; a righteous person runs to it and is raised high [above danger].” Proverbs 18:10 (CJB)

This high ground gives us the advantages of protection from the enemy, of having a better vantage point of the enemy, and of a more advantageous fighting position.

When writing about these advantages, I stumbled upon an online article via Military.com that discussed focusing on taking the high ground…but in a completely different way than we might initially imagine. The article demonstrates that taking the high ground no longer means literally fighting from a higher, elevated position or terrain. Instead it involves immersion with the indigenous people.

From the article…

“In previous wars, the high ground, or the most advantageous place to be on the battlefield, was an elevated piece of terrain such as a hill or a mountain from which a unit could best defend themselves, build up their forces, and then advance to the next objective.

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are anything but conventional conflicts. We can’t battle Al Qaeda the same way we did the Germans in World War II. Sitting on top of a hill with superior firepower is no longer an advantageous position. In fact, it’s actually counterproductive when fighting an insurgency or an enemy that blends in with the local population. Generals Petraeus and Amos argued that the “high ground” in this type of asymmetric conflict isn’t any type of terrain but rather the indigenous people.

In order to win this “terrain” we have to come off the hill and immerse ourselves in the community. We need to create relationships with the local people, understand their fears and needs, provide security, and show them that working with us is more prosperous than siding with the insurgents. We have to win their hearts and minds.  It’s personal.  It’s face-to-face combat.  The only way to win the war is to create one positive relationship at a time.”[1]

Jesus took this kind of high ground!

When thinking of the benefits of the name of the Lord as an elevated position, I immediately saw Jesus in this new definition of high ground. Jesus took THIS type of high ground! In order to battle the enemy, Satan, Jesus came to this earth, into our terrain and into our world, and immersed himself with the local population, with the “indigenous people”. He became a human. He became one of us. This is incarnation, God becoming flesh assuming human nature by becoming a man in the form of Jesus Christ.

Jesus didn’t just fight from an elevated position in the high ground of heaven. He came to earth to become a part of the human race. He came down from heaven and immersed himself in the local community and established relationship with us. Because he came to do life as one of us, he understands our fears and needs. Jesus can relate to us and empathize with us because he was one of us. He knows what we battle. He was tempted as we are.

Because of what he did and sacrificed on our behalf he is able to provide security for us (a way out of sin and death). By Jesus building relationship with us (and us with him) we are able to see that working with him is more prosperous than siding with the “insurgent”, Satan/sin. Jesus came to win our hearts and minds. Jesus came to engage in face-to-face combat with our enemy.

Jesus immersed himself among the indigenous people…scripture references

“So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.” John 1:14 (NLT)

“Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being…” Philippians 2:6-7 (NLT)

“Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness: He was manifested in the flesh, vindicated by the Spirit, seen by angels, proclaimed among the nations, believed on in the world, taken up in glory.” 1 Timothy 3:16 (ESV)

“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.” Galatians 4:4 (NLT)

“The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.” Romans 8:3 (NLT)

“For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.” Hebrews 2:17 (NIV)

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (NIV)

Then how do WE take this kind of high ground?

Our goal is the same as Jesus…to win the war against Satan and sin, by creating one positive relationship at a time. Win people to God, one relationship at a time. Evangelism is done better in relationship.

Take Some Practical Steps to Take This Kind of High Ground:

  • First, immerse yourself among the “indigenous people”. 🙂

You can’t reach people if you don’t engage with them! Take a step outside of your own comfort zone and venture, uncomfortably and awkwardly, into the sometimes messy lives of others. Put yourself out there. Be vulnerable.

Also consider this… Who do you avoid? Who makes you uncomfortable? How can you take a step to engage with them? In southern vernacular, “Get off your high horse and get down and dirty with the people.” The high horse isn’t the high ground you want! This might require doing a self-righteous self-check. 😉

It doesn’t always have to be hard, unenjoyable, uncomfortable, or awkward. Sometimes it’s easy and simple (sometimes deceivingly so) to engage with others, but you still have to take a step!

  • Secondly, create relationships.

Develop a rapport, trust, and relationship with those who are in need of help. Meet them where they are, and relate to them where you can. Find common ground. Utilize empathy and attempt to understand their fears and needs. Provide security and encouragement when and where you can.

Let people see Jesus in you and through you. Show others that it’s more prosperous to side with God.

How can you take this new kind of high ground by immersing yourself into your own community or into a community you’d like to reach? Who can you engage with this week, this month, or this year? Share with us by leaving a comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, or off-topic.  By posting on this site you agree to my Comment Policy.

P.S.  If you liked this post, you might enjoy receiving new posts delivered right to your inbox each week!  Sign up here

If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

  1. Abrams, Michael. “Focus Your Transition on Taking the High Ground.” Military.com, www.military.com/veteran-jobs/career-advice/military-transition/focus-your-transition-on-taking-the-high-ground.html.

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

This past week during our church youth group, a few of the student small groups got together for a Question & Answer session. During this Q&A session the topic of letting your life speak came up. A couple of the questions that arose had to do with how we, as Christians, should behave around unbelievers (non-Christians) or those with differing lifestyles. Some examples of the questions included:

How do I talk to this person who is an atheist?

How am I supposed to talk to people about God if they don’t believe the same way I do or have a different religion?

How should I treat homosexuals or transgender people (if I disagree with their lifestyle)?

A couple of the students and leaders threw some obvious answers out there…

“You treat them/talk to them the exact same way you’d treat anyone else!”

“Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31 (NET)

“Jesus, himself, was found hanging out with the ‘sinners’. Jesus said ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor–sick people do.’ (Luke 5:31 NLT) How are we supposed to impact or influence people that don’t believe if we don’t spend time with them and show them love? That’s what Jesus did.”

Let your life speak…aka Let your life do the talking

I tried to share some examples from my own life about how this might be played out practically. I shared how I felt that our lives are actually more impactful and powerful than our words. In fact, I might do better winning people over by keeping my mouth shut! In other words, we need to let our life speak louder than our words.

The following scripture has always been a significant one for me in this area…

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NIV) or said another way…

“…Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words…” 1 Peter 3:1 (NLT)

I’ve mentioned before how I’m a fan of daily positive affirmations. One of my affirmations is “People see Jesus in me. I win people over by the way I live without saying a word.” My heart’s desire and prayer is that I am always a positive reflection and representation of Jesus because I know that I might be the only “Jesus” that some people see.

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

Even Jesus told people to let their life speak

Continue reading

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

Updated post (*originally published 8/5/14)

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

I stumbled onto something pretty cool previously that I thought I’d share with you.  I think you’ll like it too!  It’s a free personal profile to discover your “apology language”.

I’m a HUGE fan of Dr. Gary Chapman, who is best known for his New York Times bestseller: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and the series of books that go along with it.  A few years ago I was listening to one of the Focus on the Family podcasts, and Dr. Chapman was discussing the Five Love Languages and how there are also five languages of apology.  He’s co-authored a book with Dr. Jennifer Thomas titled When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love in which they detail the study of apologies and how people give and receive them.

Listening to the podcast, I found this very intriguing because I’ve noticed myself sometimes having a hard time receiving somebody’s apology simply because of the delivery or because it didn’t feel genuine to me.  Dr. Chapman mentioned that “If you receive an apology that omits your apology language, chances are you won’t fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology.”  The goal of their book was to help people “learn the techniques to effectively recognize and deliver apologies and watch relationships thrive as a result”.

The five basic languages of apology are: Continue reading

Praising God from A to Z

Praising God from A to Z examples with praise songs

Praising God from A to Z

Last week I shared a way of praising God using the letters of the alphabet by saying a character trait or attribute of God for each letter and praising God for being that particular trait. I encouraged you to try a few different methods of this type of praise as another way of praising God on a regular basis. I mentioned that this week I would give some examples of praising God from A to Z with accompanying scriptures and praise songs.

So as promised…

Take Some Practical Steps and Use These Examples (and songs–click song title to play songs in YouTube) to Praise God From A to Z:

Praising God because He is Able

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NIV)

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

“He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.” Romans 4:21 (NLT)

“Therefore he is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf.” Hebrews 7:25 (NLT)

“He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.” Hebrews 11:19 (ESV)

Praise Song: God is Able (Hillsong Worship)

Praising God because He is Beautiful

“One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4 (NIV)

“On that day the LORD of Hosts will become a crown of beauty and a diadem of splendor to the remnant of His people” Isaiah 28:5 (HCSB)

“But in that day, the branch of the LORD will be beautiful and glorious; the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of all who survive in Israel.” Isaiah 4:2 (NLT)

“Your eyes will see the king in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar.” Isaiah 33:17 (NIV)

“From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.” Psalm 50:2 (NIV)

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT)

Praise Song: What A Beautiful Name (Hillsong Worship)

Praising God because He is Compassionate Continue reading

God From A to Z

God from A to Z

God From A to Z

I was at a Moms in Prayer meeting a few weeks ago, and one of the moms mentioned a creative way to praise God from A to Z. Each week at the start of every Moms in Prayer meeting, we spend time praising God for one of his many attributes, characteristics, or personality traits. Our leader can either choose a prayer sheet with a pre-printed attribute and accompanying verses, or she can choose her own attribute and verses and customize our own prayer sheet for the week. Somehow we got into a conversation about choosing these attributes. She mentioned that she had once heard about saying a prayer of praise via the ABC’s of adoration.

I loved this idea. The concept is to say a character or attribute of God for each letter of the alphabet and then praise God for being that particular trait as you work your way through the alphabet. For example, I praise you God because you are Awesome, Bold, Caring, Defender, etc.

God from A to Z journal entry

God from A to Z journal entry

I took it on as a challenge one morning, and started writing some ABC attributes of God in my journal.

Making praise a habit

Praise is important, and we should be praising God on a regular basis.

“Praise the LORD, O my soul! With all that is within me, praise his holy name!” Psalm 103:1 (NET)

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” Psalm 100:4 (NIV)

“Praise the LORD! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heaven! Praise him for his mighty works; praise his unequaled greatness! Praise him with a blast of the ram’s horn; praise him with the lyre and harp! Praise him with the tambourine and dancing; praise him with strings and flutes! Praise him with a clash of cymbals; praise him with loud clanging cymbals. Let everything that breathes sing praises to the LORD!” Psalm 150:1-6 (NLT)

I mentioned in a previous post about how praise (particularly separate from praise and worship) was always a little awkward and unnatural feeling to me. However, God convicted me about how I need to spend more time praising him…and not just for his benefit but also my own. Until it became a habit, it was sometimes a little hard to come up with what to say. This idea of praising God from A to Z would’ve come in handy!

In that post on starting with praise, I listed several reasons WHY it’s important, and WHY we should start with praise.

Praise God for who you need Him to be

Continue reading

The Holy Spirit Told Me to Eat a Pineapple

The Holy Spirit Told Me to Eat a Pineapple

The Holy Spirit Told Me to Eat a Pineapple

The Holy Spirit told me to eat a pineapple. Sounds crazy right? I thought so too, but let me back up and share the whole story with you. This really is more about going to the Holy Spirit for guidance and listening…even in the small things.

A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with one of my friends. I always enjoying getting together with good Christian friends. I always walk away feeling so encouraged and uplifted and sometimes even challenged a little, as was the case when I met with Kim. After all, isn’t that how God intended for Christian community to work?

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Anyhow, Kim was sharing some things with me about how God has been working in her life and about some projects that she’s working on. Something that stuck out to me was how she kept mentioning her reliance on the Holy Spirit, for EVERYTHING.

I had to ask myself, “Do I rely on the Holy Spirit as much as I should? Do I go to him or listen for guidance on even the small stuff?” If I’m answering honestly, it’s “No”, at least not as often as I should.

I DO listen to God and speak with him regularly. Also, I DO listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice. Fortunately, he’s a familiar friend that I do recognize. I think where I was missing the mark was in seeking guidance, on purpose, for even small things in my life. Things where I think, “I’ve got this” or things that seem too trivial to bother God with. Things like minor stomach discomfort or acid-reflux.

Stomach issues, the Daniel Fast, and then more stomach issues

Continue reading