Tag Archives: interpersonal communication

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Combat in a New Kind of High Ground

Previously, I wrote about the benefits of high ground or of an elevated position. The name of the Lord provides us this advantage of an elevated position.

“The name of Adonai is a strong tower; a righteous person runs to it and is raised high [above danger].” Proverbs 18:10 (CJB)

This high ground gives us the advantages of protection from the enemy, of having a better vantage point of the enemy, and of a more advantageous fighting position.

When writing about these advantages, I stumbled upon an online article via Military.com that discussed focusing on taking the high ground…but in a completely different way than we might initially imagine. The article demonstrates that taking the high ground no longer means literally fighting from a higher, elevated position or terrain. Instead it involves immersion with the indigenous people.

From the article…

“In previous wars, the high ground, or the most advantageous place to be on the battlefield, was an elevated piece of terrain such as a hill or a mountain from which a unit could best defend themselves, build up their forces, and then advance to the next objective.

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are anything but conventional conflicts. We can’t battle Al Qaeda the same way we did the Germans in World War II. Sitting on top of a hill with superior firepower is no longer an advantageous position. In fact, it’s actually counterproductive when fighting an insurgency or an enemy that blends in with the local population. Generals Petraeus and Amos argued that the “high ground” in this type of asymmetric conflict isn’t any type of terrain but rather the indigenous people.

In order to win this “terrain” we have to come off the hill and immerse ourselves in the community. We need to create relationships with the local people, understand their fears and needs, provide security, and show them that working with us is more prosperous than siding with the insurgents. We have to win their hearts and minds.  It’s personal.  It’s face-to-face combat.  The only way to win the war is to create one positive relationship at a time.”[1]

Jesus took this kind of high ground!

When thinking of the benefits of the name of the Lord as an elevated position, I immediately saw Jesus in this new definition of high ground. Jesus took THIS type of high ground! In order to battle the enemy, Satan, Jesus came to this earth, into our terrain and into our world, and immersed himself with the local population, with the “indigenous people”. He became a human. He became one of us. This is incarnation, God becoming flesh assuming human nature by becoming a man in the form of Jesus Christ.

Jesus didn’t just fight from an elevated position in the high ground of heaven. He came to earth to become a part of the human race. He came down from heaven and immersed himself in the local community and established relationship with us. Because he came to do life as one of us, he understands our fears and needs. Jesus can relate to us and empathize with us because he was one of us. He knows what we battle. He was tempted as we are.

Because of what he did and sacrificed on our behalf he is able to provide security for us (a way out of sin and death). By Jesus building relationship with us (and us with him) we are able to see that working with him is more prosperous than siding with the “insurgent”, Satan/sin. Jesus came to win our hearts and minds. Jesus came to engage in face-to-face combat with our enemy.

Jesus immersed himself among the indigenous people…scripture references

“So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.” John 1:14 (NLT)

“Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being…” Philippians 2:6-7 (NLT)

“Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness: He was manifested in the flesh, vindicated by the Spirit, seen by angels, proclaimed among the nations, believed on in the world, taken up in glory.” 1 Timothy 3:16 (ESV)

“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.” Galatians 4:4 (NLT)

“The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.” Romans 8:3 (NLT)

“For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.” Hebrews 2:17 (NIV)

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (NIV)

Then how do WE take this kind of high ground?

Our goal is the same as Jesus…to win the war against Satan and sin, by creating one positive relationship at a time. Win people to God, one relationship at a time. Evangelism is done better in relationship.

Take Some Practical Steps to Take This Kind of High Ground:

  • First, immerse yourself among the “indigenous people”. 🙂

You can’t reach people if you don’t engage with them! Take a step outside of your own comfort zone and venture, uncomfortably and awkwardly, into the sometimes messy lives of others. Put yourself out there. Be vulnerable.

Also consider this… Who do you avoid? Who makes you uncomfortable? How can you take a step to engage with them? In southern vernacular, “Get off your high horse and get down and dirty with the people.” The high horse isn’t the high ground you want! This might require doing a self-righteous self-check. 😉

It doesn’t always have to be hard, unenjoyable, uncomfortable, or awkward. Sometimes it’s easy and simple (sometimes deceivingly so) to engage with others, but you still have to take a step!

  • Secondly, create relationships.

Develop a rapport, trust, and relationship with those who are in need of help. Meet them where they are, and relate to them where you can. Find common ground. Utilize empathy and attempt to understand their fears and needs. Provide security and encouragement when and where you can.

Let people see Jesus in you and through you. Show others that it’s more prosperous to side with God.

How can you take this new kind of high ground by immersing yourself into your own community or into a community you’d like to reach? Who can you engage with this week, this month, or this year? Share with us by leaving a comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, or off-topic.  By posting on this site you agree to my Comment Policy.

P.S.  If you liked this post, you might enjoy receiving new posts delivered right to your inbox each week!  Sign up here

If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

  1. Abrams, Michael. “Focus Your Transition on Taking the High Ground.” Military.com, www.military.com/veteran-jobs/career-advice/military-transition/focus-your-transition-on-taking-the-high-ground.html.

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

This past week during our church youth group, a few of the student small groups got together for a Question & Answer session. During this Q&A session the topic of letting your life speak came up. A couple of the questions that arose had to do with how we, as Christians, should behave around unbelievers (non-Christians) or those with differing lifestyles. Some examples of the questions included:

How do I talk to this person who is an atheist?

How am I supposed to talk to people about God if they don’t believe the same way I do or have a different religion?

How should I treat homosexuals or transgender people (if I disagree with their lifestyle)?

A couple of the students and leaders threw some obvious answers out there…

“You treat them/talk to them the exact same way you’d treat anyone else!”

“Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31 (NET)

“Jesus, himself, was found hanging out with the ‘sinners’. Jesus said ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor–sick people do.’ (Luke 5:31 NLT) How are we supposed to impact or influence people that don’t believe if we don’t spend time with them and show them love? That’s what Jesus did.”

Let your life speak…aka Let your life do the talking

I tried to share some examples from my own life about how this might be played out practically. I shared how I felt that our lives are actually more impactful and powerful than our words. In fact, I might do better winning people over by keeping my mouth shut! In other words, we need to let our life speak louder than our words.

The following scripture has always been a significant one for me in this area…

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NIV) or said another way…

“…Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words…” 1 Peter 3:1 (NLT)

I’ve mentioned before how I’m a fan of daily positive affirmations. One of my affirmations is “People see Jesus in me. I win people over by the way I live without saying a word.” My heart’s desire and prayer is that I am always a positive reflection and representation of Jesus because I know that I might be the only “Jesus” that some people see.

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

Even Jesus told people to let their life speak

Continue reading

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

Updated post (*originally published 8/5/14)

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

I stumbled onto something pretty cool previously that I thought I’d share with you.  I think you’ll like it too!  It’s a free personal profile to discover your “apology language”.

I’m a HUGE fan of Dr. Gary Chapman, who is best known for his New York Times bestseller: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and the series of books that go along with it.  A few years ago I was listening to one of the Focus on the Family podcasts, and Dr. Chapman was discussing the Five Love Languages and how there are also five languages of apology.  He’s co-authored a book with Dr. Jennifer Thomas titled When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love in which they detail the study of apologies and how people give and receive them.

Listening to the podcast, I found this very intriguing because I’ve noticed myself sometimes having a hard time receiving somebody’s apology simply because of the delivery or because it didn’t feel genuine to me.  Dr. Chapman mentioned that “If you receive an apology that omits your apology language, chances are you won’t fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology.”  The goal of their book was to help people “learn the techniques to effectively recognize and deliver apologies and watch relationships thrive as a result”.

The five basic languages of apology are: Continue reading

Funny Friday: Me Monster

Funny Friday: Me Monster

Since we talked earlier this week about practicing how to talk less and listen more, I thought I’d share a funny video clip that came to mind from comedian Brian Regan about being a “me monster” that’s relevant to this week’s topic. (direct YouTube link here)

“Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2 (NLT)

Talk Less, Listen More

Talk Less, Listen More

Talk Less, Listen More

Do you guys know people who talk too much? You know the ones… The people who when they start talking everyone else’s internal dialogue starts to silently scream, “Oh, here we go again! Can you just shut up already!?” Unfortunately, it seems to be these talkative people who don’t seem to grasp the concept of talk less, listen more.

This has come up quite a few times recently in various settings. I often have to revisit this issue with my students in my college classes, in my Glory House classes, and in my youth small group. Listening is a critical part of communication—just as important, if not more so, than speaking. You’ve probably heard that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason—we should be listening twice as much as we speak. In fact, James 1:19 advises us to be quick to hear and slow to speak.

The harm of talking too much

I’ve written before in my post about KMS (Keep Mouth Shut), that this is a lesson that I’ve unfortunately had to learn. Additionally, learning how to KMS and talk less has been one of the hardest lessons (and ongoing for that matter) to master. I’ve seen firsthand some of the damage it can cause when we talk too much.

  • It hurts relationships
  • We come off looking like a fool
  • We lose credibility
  • Too much talk can lead to sin
  • We look arrogant, like a know-it-all, and come across as selfish
  • We can appear to be inconsiderate and disrespectful

Scriptures to encourage us to talk less…

Continue reading

Pray for Your Enemies

Pray for Your Enemies

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48 (NLT)

Who do you automatically think of when the words “enemy” or “enemies” are used? Do you have a particular person come to mind? Does a certain situation play out in your mind? Is it personal for you or do you think about that word more generally (as in ISIS or terrorists, etc.)?

I think sometimes there are seasons of life. Sometimes we have personal enemies. Sometimes we don’t. Other times “enemy” might seem like too strong of a word, but we still harbor feelings of hurt or abuse caused by someone else. It can be difficult to think of these people who cause us pain in a positive light, much less think of having to forgive, love, and pray for them. However, scripture is very clear what our response to our enemies should be. It is also quite clear in directing us to love and pray for our enemies.

Our response to our enemies should be…

To love and to pray:

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48 (NLT)

“Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:28 (NIV)

To control our own temper and overlook an offense or a wrong:

“If you are sensible, you will control your temper. When someone wrongs you, it is a great virtue to ignore it.” Proverbs 19:11 (GNT)

“Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].” Proverbs 19:11 (AMP)

To respond with kindness and not retaliate:

Continue reading

Be Kind and Gentle to Gain Respect

Be Kind and Gentle to Gain Respect

Be Kind and Gentle to Gain Respect

“A kind and gentle woman gains respect but violent men gain only wealth.” Proverbs 11:16 (ERV)

We must be KIND and GENTLE to gain the respect of others and win people over. When I read this verse a short time ago I thought of the mean ol’ bitty lady at the family reunion I attended recently. Actually, Eric and I had just been discussing how mean she was and how she has a negative impact on people because of it. She could have a lot more influence if she’d only be nicer and less harsh (i.e. more kind and gentle…like the verse says!). She goes on and on about the family reunion dying out and the lack of attendance as the older generations are passing away. Her continuous reprimand each year is that the young people need to take over so the family, its stories, and the reunion will live on.

However, she then proceeds to belittle the younger people and act condescending toward them lashing out constant insults. She’s bossy and harsh with her mannerisms and words. Quite honestly, she’s really just flat-out rude. Because of this, she’s turning and driving the young people away. She’s losing her influence. More than likely, she’s having the exact opposite effect of what she wants. After all, who wants to keep a family tradition of meanness, rudeness, and condescension alive?

On the other hand, if she would do as Proverbs 11:16 says showing kindness and acting more gentle, she would earn the respect of the younger generation to whom she is trying so hard to pass the reigns. They would probably bend over backwards to help out and keep the family traditions alive if only she would be kind and gentle.

A bad first impression of this less than kind and gentle lady 

Continue reading

Scriptures About Speaking To Others And Knowing What To Say

Here are some scriptures about speaking that will help you with what to say to others.  Use these scriptures as a prayer for help on figuring out the right thing to say or as a positive affirmation that you will say the right things at the right time.

Scriptures About Speaking To Others And Knowing What To Say

Sometimes not knowing what to say to others can be very intimidating. Often we find ourselves in situations where we might have to have a difficult conversation or confrontation. Occasionally, we might even have to defend ourselves from time to time. Some situations are less serious, and we just need some wisdom or guidance on saying the right thing or clearly communicating a message. Fortunately, I have found some scriptures about speaking that I like to turn into a prayer request depending on my need at the time.

Personally, I’ve spent a significant amount of time in prayer using these scriptures about speaking to ask for God’s help to say the right thing at the right time. They also help me to ask for help to clearly explain something. Actually, I pray many of these verses before I write a blog post as well because I truly want my posts to be God-led, clearly explained and contain information that will help anyone who reads them. I also use these scriptures before a difficult conversation or confrontation when I know I’ll need to tread lightly and when the right words are so important. I even use them to help me discern when to keep my mouth shut! Lastly, I always want the words that come out of my mouth to only mirror what God would say.

I’d like to share some of my go-to scriptures for speaking that I use when I’m in these types of situations. Some I have found on my own with research on the topic. Others have been shared with me by close friends when I’ve reached out for prayer. My hope and prayer is that you might find a few go-to verses for yourself that help you know what to say when you are at a loss for words or need a little help. 

Scriptures about speaking the right words and having the right timing: Continue reading