Tag Archives: conflict management

How to Respond When People Offend You

6 Replies

How to Respond When People Offend You...

How to Respond When People Offend You

What do you do when people offend you, insult you, treat you badly, or persecute you?  I’ve had some practice working on this unfortunately. I’m sure I’m not the only one, so this post will discuss some of my experience in dealing with offense and responding to others.

Previously I mentioned that I was getting an increasing number of negative comments on my blog posts.  Some were from well-meaning Christians who felt the need to correct me.  Others were from people of a differing religious belief system who wanted to argue and debate over doctrinal issues.  Some were from people, Christian or not, that just intensely disagreed with things that I said (and not always in the nicest way).  Frequently I get a bit lambasted on Pinterest with comments from atheists, specifically about a post on “How to Pray for Unsaved Loved Ones”.  I guess you could call it a persecution of sorts.

The temptation to argue when offended

Apparently some of them are taking offense that I, as well as others who are pinning these prayers, might be praying for them, and they want me to stop.  Well guess what?  Not gonna happen.  🙂 And now, since they were so kind as to leave me a comment and give me their name, I can pray for them more specifically.  By name.  Which, by the way, I wasn’t doing before because I didn’t even know them. 🙂  They can’t really stop me from praying can they?  I know…I’m such a rebel.  The problem that I’ve been struggling with though when I get offended  by their comments is wanting to reply to them.

These commenters have written things that are critical and insulting.  They say things and make accusations that aren’t true.  Often, they take things I say and twist or misconstrue them.  They definitely appear to be in “attack” mode.  My first gut reaction is that I’m extremely offended.  I feel very angry because I feel a sense of injustice.  I deeply want to want to argue with their comments.  It takes an awful lot of restraint not to say anything.  Instead of arguing and fighting back, I’ve had to learn to hold my tongue and fight back with prayer.

Biblical communication guidelines

Continue reading →

Why Does Jesus Get So Angry at the Temple?

4 Replies

Why Does Jesus Get So Angry at the Temple image

Why Does Jesus Get So Angry at the Temple?

“It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration, so Jesus went to Jerusalem. In the Temple area he saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!”” John 2:13-16 (NLT)

A couple of years ago in our youth group, we were reading through the book of John together and having an ongoing discussion about it during our small groups. One of the students in my small group asked a good question about the time when Jesus gets angry at the Temple:

“This may be a stupid question but why does Jesus get so mad in this passage? Jesus didn’t really get mad at people and loves everyone so I’m a bit confused on why he’s so angry at people here but isn’t anywhere else in the Bible.”

I told her that it’s actually not a stupid question at all because like she said, from what we know about Jesus it seems a little out of character. Then, I went on to explain to her what I thought but encouraged her to do some research of her own to come to some of her own conclusions, and I gave her some additional resources.

I addressed the 2 things she brought up:

  1. Why Jesus gets angry (even though he loves everyone)
  2. Jesus isn’t angry anywhere else in the Bible

Because other people probably have similar questions, I thought I’d share a longer version of my response to her about why Jesus gets angry and also give some additional resources here as well.

Why does Jesus get so angry at the Temple if he loves everyone?

I think Jesus gets angry BECAUSE of his love for everyone. In this passage, he demonstrates a “righteous anger”. He had a good reason to be angry because of corruption and injustice that was hurting people. However, he still did not sin in his anger.

“Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.” Psalm 4:4 (ESV)

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” Ephesians 4:26 (ESV)
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (NLT)

Corruption and injustice

Since it was Passover, Jews from ALL over came to Jerusalem, and custom/law required them to bring a sacrifice. Many could not bring animals that far of a distance due to the cost, inconvenience, and potential of that animal becoming injured or “blemished” in some way during the travels which would have made the animal unfit for sacrifice. Therefore they had to purchase a sacrificial animal when they arrived. Some historians say that prior to coming they would have sold an animal at home that they would have used as a sacrifice and would then use that money from the sale to purchase a replacement animal for sacrifice.

In the scripture passage, the people selling the animals and doing money exchanges (just like we have to do when we go out of the country and have to exchange currency for the local currency) were taking advantage of people and cheating people out of their money by overcharging and gouging them. I think of this like when there’s a hurricane coming and the gas stations start WAY overcharging & price-gouging for gas because they know people have to buy the gas to get out of town–so basically cheating and taking advantage of people.

The focus wasn’t on God in an area designated for worship

Continue reading →

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

Leave a reply

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

**Updated: Originally posted 11/22/2016

A few years ago my son and daughter were arguing after church. Surprise. Surprise. Why do kids argue over the stupidest things? My daughter had actually won a prize at church, a giant Pixy Stix. They started arguing over if she would share or not. When she went to put her coat on before we walked out to the car she needed someone to hold her Pixy Stix. She wouldn’t hand it to her brother but to me instead. Apparently he got mad because he was “trying to help her”. I’m sure he had other ulterior motives too. So he spouted off in a hateful tone, “I was just trying to help you! You’re a piece of crap!”

After I picked my jaw up off the floor at the nastiness that just spewed out of his mouth, I quickly informed him that we DO NOT talk like that to people. I also advised him that he would definitely not be getting any of that Pixy Stix now.

When we got to the car I made him do the 4-step apology (or as we call it now, “apologize the right way”). We had some further, lengthy “discussion” about his attitude and the ease with which he flung his verbal assault. After some conversation, the tension ceased. Something else lighthearted created peace between the two siblings again; for the life of me I can’t remember what it was now.

Then, I had that motherly 6th sense as I was driving. My daughter, the forgiving soul that she is, gave her brother some of her Pixy Stix candy.

So hollering behind me…

Me: “Are you eating some of that Pixy Stix?!”

My son: “Yes, she gave me some.”

Me: “I told you NO Pixy Stix.”

My son: “But I apologized and she forgave me.”

Me: “Apologies don’t delete consequences. Just because you said you were sorry doesn’t mean that your punishment disappears. Just because she forgave you doesn’t make the hurt you caused her disappear.”

Then I remembered an exercise that I sometimes do with my classes to demonstrate a point. Continue reading →

What Does the Bible Say About Apologizing?

Leave a reply

What Does The Bible Say About Apologizing title image

What Does the Bible Say About Apologizing?

Someone recently said to me that you can’t find someone saying “I’m sorry” anywhere in the Bible. In all honesty, it’s an accurate statement…to an extent. Those exact words may not have been used (depending on the translation you use). Even so, I had never heard the word “yeet” until my teenagers started using it this past year (insert rolling eyes and face slap). Although the exact words “I’m sorry” might not be mentioned in scripture, there most certainly is much discussion about confession (to God and others), repentance, seeking forgiveness, and making peace. The terminology and exact wording may just look a little different.

So what DOES the Bible say about apologizing?

Apologizing requires humility

Apologizing takes humility, and humility is a character that God greatly values! When we humble ourselves and apologize to others (which can almost always be extremely difficult to do), we are showing honor and respect to those we have wronged. Apologizing comes from a humbled heart, and God honors and favors this trait.

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”” James 4:6 (NIV)

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” James 4:10 (NLT)

“In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”” 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV)

“Though the LORD is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud.” Psalm 138:6 (NLT)

“The LORD mocks the mockers but is gracious to the humble.” Proverbs 3:34 (NLT)

“Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.” Proverbs 29:23 (NLT)

“But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12 (NLT)

Apologizing consists of confess your sins and making reconciliation

Continue reading →

Don’t Be Surprised When People Hate You

Leave a reply

Don’t Be Surprised When People Hate You image

Don’t Be Surprised When People Hate You

Lately, I’ve come across some opposition in a variety of areas. Unfortunately in some of those instances I’ve had to deal with a fair amount of disrespect. It’s been so frustrating because I feel like I’ve handled everything right by correcting in love, affirming and pointing out the good, yet firmly setting boundaries. Even in the midst of showing love, help, and support, I received disdain in return. “Hate” is the word reverberating to me, and that hurts because I’ve done NOTHING to deserve hate. I am legitimately surprised when people hate me. After all, I’m a pretty likable person!

Then one day, after some prayer (and a good amount of tears) I remembered that Jesus experienced undeserved hate. He told us we should expect it too. We shouldn’t be surprised when people hate us.

“And everyone will hate you because you are my followers.” Luke 21:17 (NLT)

“And all nations will hate you because you are my followers. But everyone who endures to the end will be saved.” Matthew 10:22 (NLT)

“And everyone will hate you because you are my followers. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” Mark 13:13 (NLT)

“Hear this message from the LORD, all you who tremble at his words: “Your own people hate you and throw you out for being loyal to my name. ‘Let the LORD be honored!’ they scoff. ‘Be joyful in him!’ But they will be put to shame.” Isaiah 66:5 (NLT)

“Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” 2 Timothy 3:12 (NLT)

“They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.” 2 Timothy 3:3 (NLT)

When people hate you…Welcome to my world

Continue reading →

Restoring Relationship: Humility and Forgiveness

Leave a reply

Restoring Relationship: Humility and Forgiveness

Restoring Relationship: Humility and Forgiveness

God restores broken relationships. I already knew this. In fact, I’ve already experienced this in my own marriage. Today though, I saw a new perspective to restoring relationship from the story of Esau and Jacob.

“Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two servant wives. He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept.” Genesis 33:1-4 (NLT)

Jacob betrayed Esau (Genesis 27). Esau had every right to be angry at Jacob and to avoid restoring relationship, even to the point of fighting and killing Jacob. Jacob knew this, hence his fear when Esau was approaching (Genesis 32:3-21, Genesis 33:1-2).

However, God stepped in and changed hearts…BOTH of their hearts. God changed the situation to the point where only HE could get the credit and glory for what took place.

Jacob humbled himself.

‘He told them, “Give this message to my master Esau: ‘Humble greetings from your servant Jacob. Until now I have been living with Uncle Laban, and now I own cattle, donkeys, flocks of sheep and goats, and many servants, both men and women. I have sent these messengers to inform my lord of my coming, hoping that you will be friendly to me.’” Genesis 32:4-5 (NLT)

“Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him.” Genesis 33:3 (NLT)

“But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God!” Genesis 33:10 (NLT)

““All right,” Esau said, “but at least let me assign some of my men to guide and protect you.” Jacob responded, “That’s not necessary. It’s enough that you’ve received me warmly, my lord!”” Genesis 33:15 (NLT)

Esau offered forgiveness and harbored no ill-will.

Continue reading →

Scriptures on Anger

Leave a reply

Scriptures on Anger

Last week I wrote about 4 things to do with your anger. Anger is a common emotion, and sometimes it can serve a purpose by pushing us into action to get something done. Other times it’s just an emotion that we need to deal with carefully, learning to control it instead of letting it rule our thoughts, choices, decisions, and behaviors.

I have found a helpful way to handle anger is to focus on different scriptures concerning anger. So today I’ve put together a resource page with some helpful scriptures on anger.

Control your anger-don’t let anger control you

“Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still. Selah” Psalm 4:4 (HCSB)

“Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper–it only leads to harm.” Psalm 37:8 (NLT)

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3 (NIV)

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12 (NIV)

“Short-tempered people do foolish things, and schemers are hated.” Proverbs 14:17 (NLT)

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.” Proverbs 14:29

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Continue reading →

4 Things to Do With Your Anger

Leave a reply

4 Things to Do With Your Anger

4 Things to Do With Your Anger

I mentioned in last week’s post that I was stewing in a little bit of nasty anger recently. The anger itself wasn’t necessarily the problem. Anger is a normal emotion. It’s not a sin. It’s how I was handling it and reacting and what I did with and after the anger that was displeasing to God and unhelpful to me.

“Be angry and do not sin…” Ephesians 4:26a (ESV)

“Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still. Selah” Psalm 4:4 (HCSB)

“Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” James 1:20 (NLT)

Even God and Jesus got angry…

“God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day.” Psalm 7:11 (NLT)

“They even sacrificed their own sons and daughters in the fire. They consulted fortune-tellers and practiced sorcery and sold themselves to evil, arousing the LORD’s anger. Because the LORD was very angry with Israel, he swept them away from his presence. Only the tribe of Judah remained in the land.” 2 Kings 17:17-18 (NLT)

“But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” Romans 1:18 (NLT)

“And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.” Mark 3:5 (ESV)

“When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” John 11:33 (NLT)

“Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves.” Matthew 21:12 (NLT)

This advice about anger that my friend heard once…

Continue reading →