Tag Archives: kms

How to Respond When People Offend You

How to Respond When People Offend You...

How to Respond When People Offend You

What do you do when people offend you, insult you, treat you badly, or persecute you?  I’ve had some practice working on this unfortunately. I’m sure I’m not the only one, so this post will discuss some of my experience in dealing with offense and responding to others.

Previously I mentioned that I was getting an increasing number of negative comments on my blog posts.  Some were from well-meaning Christians who felt the need to correct me.  Others were from people of a differing religious belief system who wanted to argue and debate over doctrinal issues.  Some were from people, Christian or not, that just intensely disagreed with things that I said (and not always in the nicest way).  Frequently I get a bit lambasted on Pinterest with comments from atheists, specifically about a post on “How to Pray for Unsaved Loved Ones”.  I guess you could call it a persecution of sorts.

The temptation to argue when offended

Apparently some of them are taking offense that I, as well as others who are pinning these prayers, might be praying for them, and they want me to stop.  Well guess what?  Not gonna happen.  🙂 And now, since they were so kind as to leave me a comment and give me their name, I can pray for them more specifically.  By name.  Which, by the way, I wasn’t doing before because I didn’t even know them. 🙂  They can’t really stop me from praying can they?  I know…I’m such a rebel.  The problem that I’ve been struggling with though when I get offended  by their comments is wanting to reply to them.

These commenters have written things that are critical and insulting.  They say things and make accusations that aren’t true.  Often, they take things I say and twist or misconstrue them.  They definitely appear to be in “attack” mode.  My first gut reaction is that I’m extremely offended.  I feel very angry because I feel a sense of injustice.  I deeply want to want to argue with their comments.  It takes an awful lot of restraint not to say anything.  Instead of arguing and fighting back, I’ve had to learn to hold my tongue and fight back with prayer.

Biblical communication guidelines

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How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

Learn some steps to avoid the trap of making negative comments.

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

I get several comments posted to my blog articles.  Unfortunately, not all of them are very nice.  Sometimes it’s hard not to take things personally.  At one point, I had been getting so many negative comments in such a short time frame that when I would get an e-mail informing me that I had a new comment to moderate I would moan and hang my head in dread of what I was about to read.

Once, I was at my sister’s house, and my e-mail chimed alerting me of a new comment.  “Not again.” I groaned.  “What’s wrong?” my sister asked.  “I’ve got another comment to moderate.  I’m afraid to look at it.” I said.  “Here, let me read it first,” she suggested.  I handed her my phone.  Thankfully she smiled as she read it and said, “It’s a good one.”  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Fortunately, I have received a number of positive and encouraging comments too.  Why is it that the bad ones seem to overpower the good?  It’s no wonder Paul urges us to keep our focus on positive and good things.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Focusing on negative comments will weigh us down

Focusing on the negative will only bring us down.  It will cause us anxiety and worry (Philippians 4:6), and it could even cause us to get so worked up that we might act out in our emotions and say or do things that we regret.  I think that’s probably what happens when people post nasty things or negative comments on my site.  They probably read something that they disagreed with or that potentially offended them, and then they acted out of their emotion.

Unfortunately, technology these days has cultivated an environment where it is easy for people to be passive-aggressive. People say things online or via technology that they would never say to someone face-to-face.

In light of that, I have a fairly strict comment policy on my site to protect my visitors from negative comments that could hurt or hinder them.  I had to lay out some simple ground rules in order to enable constructive conversation while discouraging rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, divisive, or off-topic negative comments.  I don’t even want to foster an atmosphere that’s conducive to arguments taking place on my site.  That’s not God’s purpose for my site.  I want my site to be a place of peace.

Scriptural communication guidelines

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Funny Friday: Glue stick instead of Chapstick

Glue stick instead of Chapstick meme

Funny Friday: Glue stick instead of Chapstick

Some people should use a glue stick instead of Chapstick. #truth

“Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23 (NLT)

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

Funny Friday: Me about to comment

Funny Friday: Me about to comment

Does anyone else relate to this frog and chameleon meme? “Me about to comment”… “Holy Spirit: *grips my mouth shut*”

“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

Let Your Life Speak Louder Than Your Words

This past week during our church youth group, a few of the student small groups got together for a Question & Answer session. During this Q&A session the topic of letting your life speak came up. A couple of the questions that arose had to do with how we, as Christians, should behave around unbelievers (non-Christians) or those with differing lifestyles. Some examples of the questions included:

How do I talk to this person who is an atheist?

How am I supposed to talk to people about God if they don’t believe the same way I do or have a different religion?

How should I treat homosexuals or transgender people (if I disagree with their lifestyle)?

A couple of the students and leaders threw some obvious answers out there…

“You treat them/talk to them the exact same way you’d treat anyone else!”

“Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31 (NET)

“Jesus, himself, was found hanging out with the ‘sinners’. Jesus said ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor–sick people do.’ (Luke 5:31 NLT) How are we supposed to impact or influence people that don’t believe if we don’t spend time with them and show them love? That’s what Jesus did.”

Let your life speak…aka Let your life do the talking

I tried to share some examples from my own life about how this might be played out practically. I shared how I felt that our lives are actually more impactful and powerful than our words. In fact, I might do better winning people over by keeping my mouth shut! In other words, we need to let our life speak louder than our words.

The following scripture has always been a significant one for me in this area…

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NIV) or said another way…

“…Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words…” 1 Peter 3:1 (NLT)

I’ve mentioned before how I’m a fan of daily positive affirmations. One of my affirmations is “People see Jesus in me. I win people over by the way I live without saying a word.” My heart’s desire and prayer is that I am always a positive reflection and representation of Jesus because I know that I might be the only “Jesus” that some people see.

“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

Even Jesus told people to let their life speak

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Talk Less, Listen More

Talk Less, Listen More

Talk Less, Listen More

Do you guys know people who talk too much? You know the ones… The people who when they start talking everyone else’s internal dialogue starts to silently scream, “Oh, here we go again! Can you just shut up already!?” Unfortunately, it seems to be these talkative people who don’t seem to grasp the concept of talk less, listen more.

This has come up quite a few times recently in various settings. I often have to revisit this issue with my students in my college classes, in my Glory House classes, and in my youth small group. Listening is a critical part of communication—just as important, if not more so, than speaking. You’ve probably heard that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason—we should be listening twice as much as we speak. In fact, James 1:19 advises us to be quick to hear and slow to speak.

The harm of talking too much

I’ve written before in my post about KMS (Keep Mouth Shut), that this is a lesson that I’ve unfortunately had to learn. Additionally, learning how to KMS and talk less has been one of the hardest lessons (and ongoing for that matter) to master. I’ve seen firsthand some of the damage it can cause when we talk too much.

  • It hurts relationships
  • We come off looking like a fool
  • We lose credibility
  • Too much talk can lead to sin
  • We look arrogant, like a know-it-all, and come across as selfish
  • We can appear to be inconsiderate and disrespectful

Scriptures to encourage us to talk less…

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