Tag Archives: Apologizing

True Repentance: What to look for…

True repentance: what to look for...

True Repentance: What to look for…

You hear about people that have done things to hurt or wrong others and then apologize and immediately relationships are restored. Then, that same person may turn around and repeat that same offense only to cause further hurt and damage trust in their relationships. The offended may feel frustrated and confused because the offender apologized, and they truly felt it was genuine. So what happened? Did they restore relationship too quickly? Was the offender really sincere in their apology? Was there really true repentance?

Unfortunately though, sometimes people deliver apologies or want to restore relationship without having true repentance. There are some gauges we can use to discern whether or not a person is indeed fully and completely repentant. There is some evidence that we can look for as well as some indicators that they may not be at a place of full and true repentance yet.

Let’s take a look…

Genuine apologies are offered in true repentance

Previously, I wrote a post about how to apologize effectively. In that post I mentioned a book that Dr. Gary Chapman co-authored with Dr. Jennifer Thomas titled When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hapheapro-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0802407048 in which they detail the study of apologies and how people give and receive them.  The goal of their book was to help people “learn the techniques to effectively recognize and deliver apologies and watch relationships thrive as a result”.

The five basic languages of apology are:

  1. Accept Responsibility—this is basically just admitting you are wrong and accepting full responsibility for your actions
  2. Expressing Regret—this is a genuine “I’m sorry” and show of remorse for causing pain
  3. Make Restitution—in this form of apology you commit to making things right
  4. Genuinely Repent—this shows the sincere desire to modify your behavior and future actions
  5. Request Forgiveness—in this apology language you recognize the need for forgiveness, and you physically ask for forgiveness

A genuine apology that contains all five of these aspects may be an indicator of true repentance. However, words can only go so far, and as the saying goes…actions speak louder than words. So there are some other things to look for as well. Continue reading

Funny Friday: I’m starting to think my husband isn’t going to apologize…

I'm starting to think my husband isn't going to apologize for the way he acted in my dream last night.

Funny Friday: I’m starting to think my husband isn’t going to apologize…

“I’m starting to think my husband isn’t going to apologize for the way he acted in my dream last night.”  Does this happen to anyone else?  He just doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so mad at him!

“I have had a dream that troubles me and I want to know what it means.” Daniel 2:3 (NLT)

 

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

This past weekend my son and daughter were arguing. Surprise. Surprise. Why do kids argue over the stupidest things? My daughter had actually won a prize at church, a giant Pixy Stix. They started arguing over if she would share or not. When she went to put her coat on before we walked out to the car she needed someone to hold her Pixy Stix. She wouldn’t hand it to her brother but to me instead. Apparently he got mad because he was “trying to help her”. I’m sure he had other ulterior motives too. So he spouted off in a hateful tone, “I was just trying to help you! You’re a piece of crap!”

After I picked my jaw up off the floor at the nastiness that just spewed out of his mouth, I quickly informed him that we DO NOT talk like that to people. I also advised him that he would definitely not be getting any of that Pixy Stix now.

When we got to the car I made him do the 4-step apology (or as we call it now, “apologize the right way”). We had some further, lengthy “discussion” about his attitude and the ease with which he flung his verbal assault. After some conversation, the tension ceased. Something else lighthearted created peace between the two siblings again; for the life of me I can’t remember what it was now.

Then, I had that motherly 6th sense as I was driving. My daughter, the forgiving soul that she is, gave her brother some of her Pixy Stix candy.

So hollering behind me…

Me: “Are you eating some of that Pixy Stix?!”

My son: “Yes, she gave me some.”

Me: “I told you NO Pixy Stix.”

My son: “But I apologized and she forgave me.”

Me: “Apologies don’t delete consequences. Just because you said you were sorry doesn’t mean that your punishment disappears. Just because she forgave you doesn’t make the hurt you caused her disappear.”

Then I remembered an exercise that I do with my classes to demonstrate a point. Continue reading

Top 10 Posts of 2014

Happy, Healthy & Prosperous: Top 10 Posts of 2014

The New Year is here!  We had a stellar year in 2014 (of course with ups and downs).  This time last year this blog was just a passing thought in my head.  OK…it was actually a suggestion command from God that I reluctantly accepted over several months (didn’t get my site up and running until July!).  Overall, though I’m so glad I obeyed God.  I feel honored to be used to speak into the lives of people and hopefully share a little bit of insight of practical ways to achieve Godly success in a variety of areas.  This past week I did a year-in-review and checked on my site’s progress.  This week, I thought I’d share the Top 10 Posts of 2014 with you in case you missed any or would like to revisit them.

TOP 10 POSTS OF 2014:

  1. What Does Your Price Tag Say? A Message on Self-Worth…

    What Does Your Price Tag Say? A Message on Self Worth...

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #1

Our value is not determined by labels that others put on us or by even by labels we put on ourselves.  This post gives some resources and tips on overcoming the negative labels we wear and some tips for creating new ones.

  1. 9 Common Causes of Insecurity

    9 Common Causes of Insecurity

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #2

Most people deal with insecurity in one form or another.  This post addresses 9 common causes of insecurity with examples of each in scripture.  I share some of my personal struggles with insecurity.

  1. How to Apologize Effectively

    How to Apologize Effectively

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #3

Continue reading

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

How to Apologize Effectively

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)

I decided to take a break from discussing insecurity this week.  I promise we’ll go back to it!  I stumbled onto something pretty cool this past week that I thought I’d share with you.  I think you’ll like it too!  It’s a free personal profile to discover your “apology language”.

I’m a HUGE fan of Dr. Gary Chapman, who is best known for his New York Times bestseller: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and the series of books that go along with it.  A few years ago I was listening to one of the Focus on the Family podcasts, and Dr. Chapman was discussing the Five Love Languages and how there are also five languages of apology.  He’s co-authored a book with Dr. Jennifer Thomas titled When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love in which they detail the study of apologies and how people give and receive them.  Listening to the podcast, I found this very intriguing because I’ve noticed myself sometimes having a hard time receiving somebody’s apology simply because of the delivery or because it didn’t feel genuine to me.  Dr. Chapman mentioned that “If you receive an apology that omits your apology language, chances are you won’t fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology.”  The goal of their book was to help people “learn the techniques to effectively recognize and deliver apologies and watch relationships thrive as a result”.

The five basic languages of apology are: Continue reading